Transylmania (2009)

I saw the trailer for Transylmania last year and, being a sucker for vampire movies of any kind thought that it looked like it might be worth a look. And I'm conflicted. Really conflict.

I'm going to waste your time by beating around the bush here--the movie sucks. It really sucks. And yet...I enjoyed it. Maybe it was the mood I was in, or my expectations were just low enough to find it amusing, but if taken in small pieces, there's some okay stuff there. The jokes are lame, the acting uniformly crapacious, and the script is all over the place--seldom in a good way. But somewhere around the latter two thirds of the movie the ratio of dreck to watchable reverses itself, and the last 20 minutes of so are quite good.

It's obvious that the writers love both vampire movies and teenage sex comedies and know their stuff. The problem is that they can't resist cramming every single convention and cliche they could think of into the 90 mins. There's a reason why Hammer films never made teen comedies, and a reason why the hacks responsible for Date Movie -style "comedy" never made sophisticated gothic dramas.

These guys tried to do both and the result is never funny enough to be the first or classy enough to be the second. There are about 2 actual laugh out loud moments (both too graphically tasteless to make it to the trailer, where all the otherwise watchable footage went) and some nicely atmospheric set pieces, but the aforementioned crappy acting and paper-thin characters manage to undermine those potentially brighter moments.

Bottom line: if there's nothing on TV and you are watching this movie without having had to pay anything for the dubious privilege, then you might not loathe yourself too much for enjoying it. Otherwise, stay away

Blood: The Last Vampire Trailer

Okay, I know I promised to ration the videos I post, but this is still within the guidelines I set for myself, and there's a reason I'm posting this one.

I've been wanting to see Blood: The Last Vampire for a while now, and my friend Eddie lent me a copy to check out, but before I got to see it, he took off to Jamaica for the holidays (lucky bastard) and so now I'm going to have to wait for him to get back in a week or so before I can see it. After which, of course, I will post a review. But I'm pretty confident, based on this trailer, that it at least won't be a total waste.

For one thing, I love vampire movies (and not the insipid, tweeny "Twilight" crapola that is currently smothering the genre in girly fluffiness and is an affront to darkness and perversity everywhere). For another, I love Asian action movies. I never saw the original manga though--my geekiness has never embraced japanimation, for some reason.

Anyway, enjoy the trailer and keep an eye out for the upcoming review.

Daybreakers Trailer

Speaking of vampire flicks, here's an upcoming movie that looks like it might be worth checking out:

4 Reasons to Get Excited for Burton & Depp's 'Dark Shadows'

Happy News.

Alice In Wonderland isn't even out yet and buzz is already happening for the next Tim Burton/Johnny Depp opus: Dark Shadows!

I'm too young to remember the original Dark Shadows, but I do remember the short lived attempt to resurrect it (featuring the luscious Barbara Steele). With the relentless dumbing-down of the vampire genre thanks to the teeny-bopper Twilight franchise, the thought of stylemeister Burton lensing a vampire film--especially a vampire film based on the classic Dark Shadows, is great news indeed.

Rest assured as soon as there's a trailer, I'll be posting it. Until then, here's a story you might find interesting:

4 Reasons to Get Excited for Burton & Depp's 'Dark Shadows'