Blood: The Last Vampire Trailer

Okay, I know I promised to ration the videos I post, but this is still within the guidelines I set for myself, and there's a reason I'm posting this one.

I've been wanting to see Blood: The Last Vampire for a while now, and my friend Eddie lent me a copy to check out, but before I got to see it, he took off to Jamaica for the holidays (lucky bastard) and so now I'm going to have to wait for him to get back in a week or so before I can see it. After which, of course, I will post a review. But I'm pretty confident, based on this trailer, that it at least won't be a total waste.

For one thing, I love vampire movies (and not the insipid, tweeny "Twilight" crapola that is currently smothering the genre in girly fluffiness and is an affront to darkness and perversity everywhere). For another, I love Asian action movies. I never saw the original manga though--my geekiness has never embraced japanimation, for some reason.

Anyway, enjoy the trailer and keep an eye out for the upcoming review.

Film Review: Shaolin Girl (Shôrin shôjo)

dir. Katsuyuki Motohiro (2008)

Shaolin Girl is a bit of an enigma. It's really two (maybe two and a bit) movies spliced together. Fair enough, except that the Western equivalent would be The Bad News Bears spliced together with The Matrix (with a bit of A League Of Their Own tossed in at the end).

The plot is paper thin: Rin, a young woman recently completing 9 years of training at the iconic Shaolin Temple, returns to Japan to spread Shaolin through her grandfather's dojo. Arriving in town, she finds her Grandfather's dojo derelict and her former teacher cooking at the local noodle house. No one will tell her what happened to the Dojo, so she moves into the ruins anyway.

Hooking up with MinMin, Rin visits the local university, where there's something very, very sinister happening with the girls lacrosse team (we're never told what—I mean never, it's never explained at all. Ever. Oh and it involves the beach volleyball team—do I smell sequel?). Rin joins the lacrosse team in order to recruit them into learning Shaolin. The Teacher takes time out from his noodle-slinging to sign on as coach. This part of the flick is firmly in the “Bad News Bears” territory—talented but awkward outsider tries to prove herself, fails miserably because she doesn't understand the importance of teamwork and must earn back the respect of her team mates. It's nicely done, with the required elements: The flash of self-realization, the long training montages (particularly well done), the gradually winning over and bonding with team mates, the awkward yet arousing scenes of sexual awakening (okay, I lied about the last part.) .

Then the script takes a wild, spiraling dive into complete whatthefuckery. It turns out that Rin is the illegitimate love child of Luke Skywalker and Bruce Lee—she was sent away to Shaolin to teach her to control the awesome power that churns within her. Apparently this dark power will only be released if she fights (so of course sending her to the most famous martial arts school in history is the perfect way to head that off), and for some reason that is never fully explained the Director of the University wants to battle it out with her. Next follows kidnapping, arson, ambushes, massive free-for-all melee complete with comic relief, and more special effects than you can shake your nunchuks at. Despite the whirlwind of improbabilities and implausibilities, it works. The special effects look great, the fights, while not stunning in their originality, are competent, and the final confrontation (while a little long) is very satisfying.

Almost as an afterthought, the authors suddenly remember that this is supposed to be a lacrosse movie, so the team crams an entire season of games during the credits. This isn't a criticism, as the montage was nicely done. Basically, the filmmakers started with such a wide net, this movie could (and often did) go anywhere, and no one choice was better or worse than any other potential choice. Personally, I would have preferred that the filmmakers either a). stayed with the lacrosse story throughout the movie, or b) used the lacrosse story just long enough to provide a framework for the more revenge-oriented action plot.

Please don't think that because I pointed out this movie's (many) flaws that I didn't enjoy it, because I did.  It's not a bad movie by any means, but it could have been a great one. Still, there are worse ways to kill a couple of hours, and I don't' doubt that I'll watch Shaolin Girl again in the future.

Chanbara Beauty: The Movie

Before I start, I should mention that I’ve never even heard of, let alone played, the videogame that this movie is based on. On the whole, I doubt it makes much difference, but I’m willing to concede that some of the niggling little complaints I may have about Chanbara Beauty might stem from the original source material. Caveat delivered. On with the show…

What can you say about a movie that is stuffed to the seams with zombies; a bikini-clad assassin with a sword; a leather clad biker babe with a gun; zombies; an evil, sword-wielding hench-girl in school uniform; buckets of blood and gore, zombies; a sadistic mad scientist bent on world domination; and zombies?

Did I mention zombies? And we aren't talking about yer flaccid, shuffling western zombies either. These bastards can move...

It’s the near future, and science has created a process by which the dead return to life as flesh eating zombies (why this is desirable process is never explained, natch). Aya (a young assassin who for some reason has adopted the costume of a red bikini complimented by a white feather boa and cowboy hat) is searching for her younger sister, who has thrown in with the evil scientist. She and her sidekick team up with Reiko, the aforementioned biker-babe who is seeking revenge on the scientist. The fat, jovial sidekick is also seeking his younger sister, kidnapped by the same evil scientist. The plot is pretty much by the numbers—get to the scientist’s hideout, slaughter their way through the zombies, and kill the madman, followed by the final confrontation between the sisters.



Perhaps not surprisingly, the movie works best when it’s in non-stop action mode. On the rare occasions when it pauses for exposition or “character development”, the movie seems very forced and awkward, but once the zombies appear and the severed limbs start flying, hold on to your popcorn! The back story of the Aya and her sister is told adequately through flashbacks, but doesn’t really add anything to the story except provide an excuse for their final showdown.

The showdown takes up the final 15 minutes, and while it starts out fine, it quickly lapses into the two girls grimacing at each other and screaming “Aaaaiieeeee!” while colourful special effects swirl around them. I’m sure this is where the movie is most influenced by it’s original source, and certainly the special effects are pretty to look at, but 15 minutes of it is frankly too long.

That being said, Chanbara Beauty provides enough thrills and eye-candy to pass a pleasantly mindless hour and a half or so.

Azumi (repost)

Directed by Ryuhei Kitamura, of Versus infamy, Azumi is a period piece following the adventures of a young orphan girl turned assassin as she and her nine male companions grow up and train together, preparing for the "final assignment".

Based on a manga by Yu Koyama, the film stars Aya Ueto as the title character, a role she pulls off very well. For those who know Kitamura only from his tongue-in-cheek, ultra gory "Versus", this movie is going to come as a bit of a shock. Although there is a lot of action, and Kitamura never flinches from showing just how messy sword fighting can be, there is more to this movie than sheer visceral overkill. In fact the gore that appears is seamlessly and (almost) tastefully integrated into the story. Seldom is it gratuitous.

This move just looks damn good! The costumes, sets and overall cinematography give Azumi a lush, epic feel that belies a comparatively modest budget (compared to say Hero or House of Flying Daggers). The acting is competent and fits in well with the story, and the script moves along at a brisk pace without feeling rushed.

I would heartily recommend Azumi for a an interesting night’s viewing-and if you are up for a double feature thrown on Jet Li’s "Hero". The movies dovetail perfectly, each showing a similar story in a completely different yet equally satisfying way.